I have NOT fallen off the face of the earth... it's a fact! Do not send out a search party, do not put my face on a milk carton... unless it's in an effort to find me a man! LOL.... just kidding.... (sort of)
Indeed, I've been M.I.A. a lot in the last 5 months thanks to a new job and new paycheck! It has been a long road to get settled into things with this new role/employer. My conclusion is that it takes a good, solid 3 months to acclimate and orient oneself to this world. I mean... it took me 2 weeks to find my way back from the cafeteria without getting turned around, and, occasionally, getting caught up in a tour group. After that point, there is a new clarity and comfort-level that settles in, seemingly, overnight. I'm pleased... it's still challenging at times but I can handle that with no issue.
After reflecting on the transition from being unemployed and eagerly seeking a new job opportunity to actually working every day in a very new, unfamiliar, different environment, I've concluded that there is more involved than simply "going back to work"...
This "whole new world" of new employment created a situation for me where my friends all thought I'd forsaken them and my family wondered if I'd finally gone crazy (afterall, to them, I'm sure it seems imminent). I came home from work in a stupor and fell asleep at 8pm after babbling about terms, projects and tasks that I didn't understand and was sure were some colossal joke! I'd get up the next day to do it all over again then, on weekends, I stayed in the bed, cowering under the covers as if I'd be beamed back to the work place if so much as a toe touched the floor. I literally cleared my calendar for about 2 months... no happy hours, no week night outings, no gym, no family gatherings. This included weekends for the most part; at least as much as was possible. I focused solely on acclimating myself to this new job. Parts of it were horrifying to me, the people were somehow different, the processes were dumbfounding and, at times, I had to wonder if I was on some sort of job-related 'Candid Camera' because certainly these people can't be serious about some of the draconian processes... right?! I've spent untold hours since beginning my new job doing spreadsheets. I now sort thoughts and ideas into tidy little cells and see formulas, pivot tables and graphs in my sleep.
I think the most laughingly moronic exercise was the steps taken to obtain a new folder for my hanging files. In acquiring said folder, here are the steps required: 1) Locate badge to gain access to department storage room (that also doubles as a very small conference room... VERY small); 2) Locate key to cabinet which usually involves going back to office to rummage through co-workers desk to find keys with cryptic labeling; 3) Go back to storage room and use above mentioned key to open cabinet and locate a second set of keys (also poorly labeled); 4) Pick out key to open cabinet in which folder is located.... FINALLY, a folder.... praises!! Lock cabinet, put key back in other cabinet, lock cabinet with keys obtained from co-workers desk, make sure door to storage room is locked, "badge" myself into office, place keys back in co-workers desk. NOW, I can put the 1 item into its newly and painfully acquired folder. The first time I had to do this, I swear I was gone for about 30 minutes... insanity?! After commenting that it was quite a laborious process to get a folder, I was met with stares that said, "what are you talking about? Isn't that normal?" "YES... if you work for the CIA or FBI..." I had to wonder about the level of importance of my seemingly mundane folder... were they special? Were they super-high-tech? Could my folder organize and file itself?
Meanwhile, I was tasked with ensuring that our team's desks were organized according to a standard that, essentially, created a workstation that could be used by anyone in the event I (or anyone) was hit by a bus and someone else needed to use my desk to fill in for me and do my job. In this standard, it was recommended that we label the desk with words like "stapler", "tape dispenser", "phone" so that these items were always in their correct space. Outlining the item in tape was encouraged... like a little chalk outline of a body at a crime scene but in the shape of a stapler... IMAGINE?! Once we were satisfied that our workstations were "standardized" for any "squashed by a bus scenarios", pictures were taken of our desks and then posted on our wall to show what our desk SHOULD look like at all times. This posted picture is to be featured in the posted picture that hangs on my cubicle wall... I'll give you a minute on that one....... ok, pencils down kids.
My only question is, "where is this bus and how do I get in front of it?!" Only kidding... in my scenario for the reasoning behind my desk being organized and purposefully set-up, I've won the lottery and just don't ever come back to work. Those left behind to do my work can rest easy knowing my stapler is in its appropriate spot... I know that will make doing my job easier for them.....
